Wondering...

Today's work totally sucks! Collection was o m g , have to climb up 3 storeys high by STAIRS! was totally shag halfway when baby told me about her dad. was kinda worried for no reason. but.. lol i just dont know why.

37 days left, alot of things in my mind sometimes.
Sometimes i wonder, how to get her feelings back, how can i succeed being a good loving boyfriend, what can i do, thinking... all my mind was her.Im still trying my best though (:

Cant wait for this month pay, everythings settle this month, except that im currently struggling now , hehe. but it doesnt matter much ba. As long baby is happy, im happy.
Nothing much to say le ba.

Missing you like i always do...

37 Days`

I give up. save as draft first. I gonna die from exhaustion.

Nights..

Missing you...

..

38 days more....

The truth

Guess im back to blogging since i only can say all my hearts content here..

Im still lost , in my own world..
Sometimes the things i do cant compare to the pain i did to you.
No matter how hard i try, sacrificing my lunch for the time i need, loving u like i always do, thinking of you every second , everything!.. the pain is always greater than everything i do..
I dont know why i went crazy that time,its like some kind of demon in me.
I know its nonsense, but whats done cannot be undone.
Sometimes i wanna give up, sometimes i dont. Why? I believe.
I believe that i can change your feelings towards me.
Its just... that.. the things u said just now... making me lost hope...
In my heart right now , One said " Dont give up!" the other said "i dont know how to go on anymore"
I guess im still in a confuse mind..
Its just that no matter how hard i listen to you, how hard i try to convince myself what is done, i CANNOT forgive the demon inside me.
Its all because i never ever did these crazy things to anyone in my whole life before...
And i cant accept that trying to learn from that particular mistake..
But from what i see, Im trying my best to make u love me back one day..
And i will...

39 more days

1st April

1st of April...
Yep, April fool peeps! Got punked yet? No? Hmm Me?
Lols, i never even think about that and nope,
i think its kinda childish of this april fool thingy -.- lols

Strangely..
Just randomly have some flashback while in the bus this morning.
Maybe because its the 1st..
Kinda hate it when i got the motivation to move on
and yet those memories randomly appear back.
Its kind of ugh, fk it!
WHY DO I EVER DID THAT!
I know i have been forgiven but then, how i just wish, i wouldnt
say those things to you.... and hurt you...

Nowadays, the feeling isn't the same anymore.
Every time, when I woke up, what first comes to my mind was you.
And when i went to sleep, u were the last on my mind..
But now..
what i see is just, emptiness..
I seriously feel heavy with regrets almost everytime..
I really didnt want to hurt you ..

Its been nine days..
I admit, i have been wondering
where you go when u are offline,
what you doing when u are online.
Check fb, msn, garena...
Trying to keep in contact by having "cat and dog" fight..
I just feel, hopeless...
Sometimes, i really want you back, but i guess,
stupid once & twice not thrice....

Give me more time to recover, i dont care if u want to scold me
with vulgarities, shoot me like u always do,
but i will nv ever forgive myself
of what i have done to you..

P.S I know u gonna get angry with me writing this,
but im already trying my best to forget, im sorry...

~Max~

To the person i considered my soulmate...
when you came into my life,
i told myself i would love you and never hurt you...
You were my bestfriend, my love , my everything..
till 1 day, you come and said, "im sick, im afraid i cant stay with you any longer..."

I refuse to believe u at first, but when i saw how those expression tells..
it spells out the truth about how u feel inside, u were deeply hurt,
nah i know, i was hurt too.
You cant even look straight into my eyes when u said, "whats for another chance"
until u pick up the courage n said so..
My life has changed for that very moment...
I just found myself on bended knees yelling... why??
I was down ,completely but i had to be strong for you..
At yr worst...
I was there..

Until the day has come for us to say goodbye...
I knew it, but i just cant accept it..
If only i knew that was the last time i see you, i should have held you and never let go.
the kiss, whisper, and embrace...
it was the last...
I can feel your arms..
falling down slowly...
I know you're gone.
I always thought our love was enough for us to last..
It was a sad ending..
its gods will..

I know you are happy now wherever you are..
and me, here i am hurting... broken..
those memories.. its all gone now
how can i forget?
how can i start over once again?
Im sorry if you see my life falling apart...
I know i cant get you back..
And i wont seeing u much as usual..
Out of all.. this is the most painful time i ever had..

The sadness of the night brings back
the days we had,
the time you let go of me,
and the moment i surrendered you..
even silence reminds me
of all the sorrow..
the pain...
and my hopelessness..
Let me suffer in silence,
till i get over you.
Slowly, i can let you go..
and i will be me
once again..

I will be keeping my promise, i will move on..
but u will always be a part of me..

Hear me say this one last time,
"i have found the essence of my life, i have discovered a world thats beautiful,
because of you..."

My love, my misery...
Im letting go of you now..
its time to set myself free...

This is the hardest thing i will do,
coz i still love you...
and this love...
this is all i have....

~Max~

P.S Im feeling okay , just kinda saw some words ,compile and edit.
This is how i feel =)
Credits goes to wyteheart for most of the words :) thanks!